Grieving Over Your Bipolar Diagnosis - Part Two

In part one of "Grieving Over The Bipolar Diagnosis", we discussed the 5 stages of grief:

• Denial - It didn't happen. This is not me. It's not possible. I am numb.
• Anger - Why has my higher power let this happen to me?
• Bargaining - If I do this or that, it will go away or be okay.
• Depression - I can't take it. What is the point? I am worthless.
• Acceptance - It's going to be okay. I can live with this, no matter what.

Remember that the stages of grief do not happen in any particular order. They also do not last for any certain amount of time. Although women typically experience all stages, you may or may not. Stages can happen simultaneously, and they may happen more than once. To get through today's discussion we are going to start with a few quotes:

'The tasks of grief are TEARS:

• To accept the reality of the loss of your mental health you must
• Experience and allow yourself to experience the pain of the loss for as long as it takes, then
• Adjust, in your own timeframe, to the new life you will live; physically, mentally, spiritually, emotionally, and medically. Finally, you will
• Reinvest in the new reality of living with mental illness' - Adapted from J. W. Worden, "Grief Counselling And Grief Therapy: A Handbook For The Mental Health Practitioner

"Grief is itself a medicine" - William Cowper

"The only way to get to the other side is to go through the door" - Helen Keller

CONSIDER THIS...
If you scape your knee, it is impossible to change the amount of time it takes to heal unless you care for it. Raw, overwhelmingly painful, and scary emotions are part of grief. Give yourself permission to feel the pain and loss of your mental health. You must experience the full impact of losing your mental health; of losing yourself and what you thought life could be. Let it wash over you at will. Follow it and the journey. Cry when you want. Scream into your pillow. Don't try and suppress your emotions. Surrender to your grief! And, don't let anyone take away your right to grieve. Do not listen to anyone else's idea of how you should or shouldn't be grieving. It is your grief, not theirs! Steer clear of those people. Listening to someone else's ideas will add guilt to your grief. Everyone has their own unique way of expressing and experiencing grief. As painful as grief is, it is your friend and will guide you eventually into the acceptance stage. Allow yourself to grieve fully, for as long as it takes. Do not avoid it nor try to limit how long it lasts.

A CAUTION ABOUT THE DEPRESSION STAGE
Because our loss is one of mental health, the depression stage is one that we need to watch closely. Our brain is diseased. Therefore, it limits our rational thinking. Rational thinking is needed through all stages. This bears discussion.

There are three kinds of depression with bipolar disorder:

• Situational
• Clinical/Chemical
• A Depressive State

Situational depression is what you will feel while going through the depression stage of grieving. Those with bipolar struggle with clinical depression that is regulated with anti-depressant medications.  Mood stabilizing medications are added to try to even out the manic, hypomanic, and depressive episodes. But, changes in clinical depression and/or depressive episodes happen. Therefore, it is critical that while in the depression stage, you are regularly communicating and discussing your depression with your therapist and/or psychiatrist. Situational grief during the depression stage is fluid, always changing, and "all over the map". You will feel up, then down, changing over time. Clinical depression and depressive states are much more pervasive, suffocating, steady, dull, and constant. Remember, a depressive state is marked by length and a profound lack of self esteem that doesn't improve over a period of time, along with a host of other pervasive symptoms. It is an exacerbated clinical depression that takes you to extreme lows. Because each stage of grief can vary in the amount of time you spend in it, the depression stage is the one to pay closest attention to in regards to your mental health. You may need a med tweak for worsening clinical depression and/or a depressive stage.

WORKING THROUGH THE STAGES
The only way to reach the acceptance stage is to experience the other stages. There are no short cuts. You don't just "get over" losing your mental health. I promise, the grieving process will help create change in your life that allows you to gradually accept you can live with mental illness. And I promise this is possible after a relapse. Experiencing the stages will help you refocus your energies towards the future. Grief is not about "returning to normal". You know the old saying. "Normal is a setting on your blow dryer." You will accept that you will never be what you were, but will find a new energy and direction for life. I don't like the word "normal", but you will find a new balance for yourself.

There are several strategies for working through the stages of grief. Some are simple. Some are habits you will adopt for a lifetime. Some will take some work and research on your part. With all these strategies, stick to your daily routines as much as possible.

Cry: You have permission to cry. Cry as much as you want. It is a natural stress reliever. Washington Irving is quoted as saying, "There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power."

Be Gentle To Yourself: Be patient. It will take time. Some days will be better than others. Don't tell yourself, "I should be over this." Don't tell yourself, "I will be alright." Tell yourself, "I am a fighter and I will survive!"

Get Creative: Start a grief journal. Talk to your grief through the journal. Tell it anything that you think of, no matter how absurd you may feel in writing it down. While going through the anger and depression stage, try writing yourself a letter about your grief. Have a ceremony where you rid yourself of the letter to symbolize ridding yourself of anger or depression. You can tear the letter up, burn it, or roll it up tightly and stick it into a balloon before letting someone fill it with helium so you can release it. Try your hand at poetry about your grieving feelings. Nobody ever has to read it but you.

Watch Your Diet: This is required with bipolar disorder. A regular, healthy diet will help maintain your mental health. Grieving expands an enormous amount of energy. And grieving can manifest physically. If you have an upset stomach, clear broths, fruits, cheeses, and yogurts are easy on the stomach. You may even want to change your meal regimen to eating small, frequent meals to aid in digestion. Do not be tempted to try to avoid any stage of grief with alcohol. Do not abuse your prescribed medications. Fixes like this not only delay the inevitable stages you will go through, but they add to your problems. You don't want to invite a whole new problem into your life.

Sleep: This is another must with bipolar disorder. Regular sleep habits help maintain your mental health. During sleep, your mind works to process what you have been through during the day. Allowing yourself to deviate from your regular sleep habits will render your mind incapable of helping you through your grief. You can try meditation or yoga to help you sleep. You can also try soothing music or a warm bath and/or shower. Some swear by a glass of warm milk to aid in sleeping. If you are already doing this and you are still unable to maintain regular sleep habits, discuss it with your psychiatrist. You may need medication or a med tweak to help you. The addition or change doesn't need to be permanent. Work closely with your psychiatrist and therapist to know when to wean off or cut back again.

Exercise: Yet another must with bipolar disorder and needed while grieving more than ever. Exercise releases stress and tension and aides in combatting depression. Get plenty of fresh air and sunshine along with a regular exercise program. Cardio exercises are best.

Professional Support Groups: Talking with and listening to people also dealing with mental illness can be powerful. You will find you are not alone, and although mental illness is different for each person, there are a couple of benefits to a professional support group. You will be surprised at what you share in common with others. You will hear their struggles and victories and learn from them. You will find you can discuss things in a way where you are understood because everyone in the group deals with mental illness also. You may even find a few, new friends! Finding a professional support group is not difficult. You can contact your local NAMI chapter. You can google for support groups in your area. You can contact your county's mental health organization.

Personal Support Groups: Experts state that the most important part of the grieving process is the support of other people. While professional support groups are important, you should also take advantage of persons in your life who understand and accept you for who you are. Choose carefully. Those that care about you and accept you will consider it an honor to help you. Leaning on a personal support group is an additional way to verbalize your grief. While they can't fully understand what it means to have a mental illness, they can give you the tender and loving care that you need. They can listen without trying to fix you. Tell them what you need. Don't hesitate to ask them to bring you dinner or help you get out of your home. Tell them you just need to talk or cry or get a hug. These people love you and want to be there for you.

Hopefully, we have been able to share good information together through this two part series. Never forget that you are allowed to grieve for a lifetime. Don't wallow in it. Use the above material to work through it. The more you actively work your grief, the longer you will find you remain in the acceptance stage.


To balanced and productive days my friends,

Laura