Turning The Silver Linings Of Bipolar To Your Advantage

About 2.6% of adults have 1 of the 5 or more types of bipolar disorder. If you ask many of them, "Describe some qualities of bipolar that you have.", the answers will generally be negative. But is that realistic? Are there instances when bipolar has meant or brought something positive to your life? Are we unaware of how bipolar has made us a better person and how it can be used to our advantage?

Dictionary.com defines a silver lining as such:

Silver Lining - 
a sign of hope in an unfortunate or gloomy situation; a bright prospect:
Every dark cloud has a silver lining.

The Silver Lining Playbook is a phenomenal movie. It taught me something important. Always look for a silver lining. And, there are more than a few silver linings we may not have thought of, even with bipolar. Once we realize a few of these, we can then find a way they can be used to our advantage to live a more positive life.

SILVER LININGS

Self Care
Upon diagnosis, we had to learn to be very concerned about how we manage our health. It is a life long learning process because bipolar, besides being fluid, changes and our self care is something we have to learn unique to ourselves. Medications stop working. Diet, sleep and exercise habits become crucial, and if you slack off, you exacerbate your individual bipolar symptoms. Negative influences also play a big part in our health as we do not process thought and actions the same way as most of those without bipolar. Getting rid of negatives is imperative to our health. That can be used to our advantage. During a stable state, the more closely you tend to your self care as mentioned above, the easier it becomes to manage during a manic/hypomanic or depressive episode. You won't be able to follow self care exactly the same as when stable, but keeping good habits will help you during these episodes from not dipping one way or the other so much.

Patience 
If we are realistic about ourselves, we have to learn patience with ourselves. Hallmark of bipolar is our tendency to shut people out during a depressive episode or simply to stop listening to advice during a manic/hypomanic episode. Use this patience when dealing with others. How many times have you stressed about something and found out later the entire situation situation was not as you thought? How many times have to ignored sage advice only to realize that not all of your plans are as brilliant as you thought? Others deal with the same thing, although not to the extreme we do at times. Look at the world from a realistic point of view and just as you need patience from others, offer patience. 

Change
Change is hard. Few people thrive on change. And even if we don't handle change in the best manner, we usually can see something positive from it if we try. Regardless, we adapt from that change in a better way than others eventually because we are forced to adapt and live with the changes that living with bipolar requires. Of course, it may take us longer to adapt, but we do eventually. To use this to our advantage, we need to assess a change first. What was the goal of the change? How much of the change was completed? What were the silver linings? How can we apply this to our life in a positive way? If you can't think of them right off the bat, you may be focusing on the not so positive. Make a pro and con list. Celebrate the positive. It will make accepting change in the future easier.


Wisdom And Perspective
Our perspective on life is different. We have to look at situations more closely and from a bigger point of view than others, seeing more options. We are wise by the fact that we can see the bigger picture and even use it as often as possible. Do you realize how valuable that is? You can offer this perspective to others in their time of need regarding things they may never think of. You can help people! That will make your life more fulfilling and positive. It will also improve your self esteem.

Empathy
Empathy is something many people lack. Yet, suffering with bipolar makes us empathetic from the standpoint that we need empathy at times. If we could actually express it during a depressive episode, we could educate people on exactly what we need. Since we are so aware of the empathy we truly need, we are more empathetic towards others. People will find solace in our words and actions.

Appreciation
When stable, we appreciate a lot more in life. Life is better. Use this to your advantage. Share your appreciation with the positive people in your life. Tell them what you appreciate and even consider going as far to tell them how that is different and what to expect during your episodes. You know yourself better than anyone else. Education can never go wrong with the right people.

Trust
Trust is not easy, especially living with a bipolar diagnosis. Use this to your advantage. Someone should earn your trust after careful consideration of their treatment of you regardless of your stability. So, be picky and choose lightly. And once you trust, you will have a more positive life from associating with the positive people supporting you. Additionally, their support will eventually lead you to learning a deeper type of trust.

Creativity
Researchers in Sweden studied 1.2 million psychiatric patients over a period of 40 years. They found a higher occurrence of dancers, artists, authors, photographers, researchers and scientists. Use this to your advantage! Take a class. Try to be creative. It improves your mood. Improved mood increases stability. And improved mood gives you extra time be productive!

Lived Experience
Nobody experiences bipolar the same way as you. You are the one filling the your bipolar shoes and you have probably walked a longer mile than some people, so you have lived experience. Share it, becoming a source of comfort to your friends that also suffer from mental illness. Both of you will benefit.

FINAL NOTES
Nothing about bipolar is easy. However, it is certainly possible to lead a satisfying life. Taking advantage of some of the ways we live life differently makes it a lot easier to be satisfied in stable times. A word of caution. Boundaries are important (a future blog will focus on setting boundaries). Don't overstep your boundaries for a person and don't allow anyone to overstep yours. Remain firm and keep your health the priority.

To balanced and productive days my friends,

Laura

Improve Your Low Self Esteem

Low self esteem is an issue when you have bipolar. That is not to say that only those suffering with bipolar have low self esteem. Everyone deals with self esteem. Role models play an important role in developing healthy self esteem, as well as factors such as environment, etc. And, as with so much else, bipolar has the capacity to make it all the more difficult to deal with because our brains process differently. Today, we are going to talk about improving self esteem during a stable state and tips for living through a depressive state. Low self esteem just isn't an issue when manic/hypomanic.

CAUSES

• Childhood history
• Abuse
• Neglect
• Bullying
• Loneliness
• School or work
• Allowing negativity in your life

SYMPTOMS

• Highly self critical
• Focusing on your mistakes
• Negative self talk
• Self hate
• Comparing your weaknesses to other's strengths
• Refusing to acknowledge your strengths
• Never accepting compliments
• Lack of confidence
• Perfectionism

IMPROVING SELF ESTEEM DURING A BALANCED STATE

The following information was gathered from a host of internet sources and my time during inpatient and outpatients stays. Improving your self esteem while you are balanced will not be only easier, it will help lessen how it dips lower during a depressive state. You must remember that thoughts lead to feelings, and that leads to opinion, which leads to your perceived reality. You will have to accept your reality is irrational and imbalanced to improve your self esteem and be willing to work on it by taking action that will probably be uncomfortable.

Highly Self Critical

Do you take every situation and judge yourself? And I mean every situation. Even those that had no mishaps. While looking at your life with a critical eye can be healthy for growth, taking every situation and finding something wrong with it will drain your self esteem and lead to a life of constant regrets. You are going to have to stop judging yourself. This not easy. It involves realizing and accepting you are not perfect. You need to begin looking at the positives in situations. Repeat them to yourself. Tell yourself, "It's okay because I...". And, if you made a mistake, I can't repeat enough that you have to accept no one is perfect.

Being highly self critical will paralyze you. You will being so focused on your criticism that you won't be able to move forward. Moving forward promotes your positive growth. Learn to recognize when you are ruminating and feel stuck in a rut. Instead of spending all that time criticizing yourself, force yourself to come up with one positive for the situation and congratulate yourself for it. Then, move on.

Focusing On Your Mistakes

Do you spend inordinate amounts of time thinking about a mistake? This is a clear indication of low self esteem. Mistakes happen. Think it over, figure out what you can learn from the mistake, take steps if necessary to prepare for next time and move forward. And just to be clear, if this isn't what you are already doing, you are spending inordinate amounts of time thinking about a mistake.

Negative Self Talk

This is closely related to being highly self critical, but more involved. It relates directly to your self worth (a future blog will focus on healthy self worth). There is nothing wrong with looking at a situation and thinking you may want to handle it differently next time (you may not shame yourself by saying the words should, could, or would though). With low self esteem, we begin to talk to ourselves in a manner that we would never talk to a loved one. Imagine looking at everything your child does or says and telling them they are a failure and will never amount to anything. This is what you do when you put yourself down and talk negatively to yourself. It isn't realistic nor is it true.

Negative self talk is invasive and like a tape playing over and over in your head. You may not even recognize it as it happens. You can combat this with positive affirmations. Use a journal, sticky notes, letters to yourself...anything, to document positives about yourself. If you have troubles thinking of positives, ask trusted friends for help. They see the good in you and shouldn't hesitate to tell you.

Practice positive self talk. Work on catching your negative self talk and replace it with a positive. This is difficult to do so write about it and use your trusted family and friends. It gets easier the more you do it. Try standing in front of a mirror and tell yourself something positive. Smile.

Self Hate
Many things lead to self hate and it is a huge culprit in destroying self esteem. Self hate is like a rabbit hole. Play those negative tapes in your head long enough and down into the self hate hole you will fall. Overcoming self hate takes acceptance. Accept you are human. You are not perfect. Accept your faults. You may have the most faults of anyone on this planet, but you still have positives. Focus on those. Make plans to improve your faults. Celebrate improvements, no matter how little. Look in the mirror and tell yourself, "I love you because..." every single time you are in front of a mirror.

Comparing Your Weaknesses To Other's Strengths
There is no one in the world like you. You are a unique individual made up of things well done and things not so well done. You have certain talents that are better than others. The lower your self esteem is, the harder it is to recognize this.

Instead of beating yourself up where you think you should be better, consider how another person's talent can benefit you. I have a teenage son that will major in music education next year. It was something I considered also when I was his age. He can talk circles around me and when it first happened, I immediately felt like I must have made the right decision to pursue another degree (I felt inferior) and even beat myself up about it. Now I realize how much he can teach me and I enjoy our time together. It has made us much closer and, I have learned a lot.

Refusing To Acknowledge Your Strengths
A person with low self esteem will not only compare themselves to others, but also have a difficult time appreciating and acknowledging their strengths. The focus will always be their weaknesses.  Use positive affirmations with an explanation. An example is, "I am strong because...". Place sticky notes strategically through your life. Ask close friends.

Never Accepting Compliments
Do you ever find yourself hearing a compliment and verbally dismissing it? This is a sign of low self esteem. Make it your goal to simply reply, "Thank you" each time. You can't say anything else but thank you. Eventually you will have created a habit that results in healthier self esteem.

Lack Of Confidence
Chances are if you are suffering from low self esteem, you will not have much confidence in yourself. A person with low self esteem expects the worst and is paralyzed to try due to the fear of mistakes and failure. You can improve your self confidence little steps at a time which in turn improves self esteem.

Stand straight, throw your shoulders back and smile. If you look the part, it will help you to be the part. People will see you as confident, treating you as such. It leads to better self confidence. Someone t work asked me how she could get employees to respond to her. She noticed immediate results from the above and felt really good about it.

Pick a small goal. Don't try anything life changing, like stopping smoking. Choose something you can manage like taking vitamins with your meds regimen. You'll feel better when it becomes habit and it will give you confidence in the success.

Access your limitations. A good way to do this is to write. Are your limitations real, or are they something you place on yourself? If you aren't certain, write about it and include a plan to change a bit at a time. If you truly have a limitation, and we all do, work on it one step at a time to lessen the limitation. You don't have to be an expert at everything, but improving yourself is a definite confidence booster and will improve your self esteem.

Perfectionism
This is a topic I could go on about forever because I have perfected trying to be perfect. I have an example to give that I hope will help. I have a mentor in the business world. He always tells me, "Be your best."  My thought process on this statement in the past has been that I have to be the best in everything. It was only recently that the light bulb came on. Being my best really means I should continue utilizing my talents where possible and accept my mistakes by growing from them. 

Perfectionism is a fallacy. Trying to be perfect will never result in healthy self esteem. It will be like hitting a brick wall. You will never win. So, when you aren't perfect, try thinking of how you can grow from it. Your self esteem will grow from not beating yourself up and from the growth you experience.

SELF ESTEEM DURING A DEPRESSIVE EPISODE
You are not going to be able to stop your self esteem from dipping lower while in the midst of a depressive episode. You can, however, work towards maintaining it to the best of your ability with little effort (I promise) and the dip won't be as drastic. The key is your actions during a stable state. I like to take to pen or pencil and paper. If you write, you can refer back to it during depressive episodes. Document your strengths, your goals achieved, your victories. Create a jar and write positives about yourself on sticky notes to review later. While living through a depressive state, review the good things about yourself.

Talk to trusted family and friends. Let them help you remember better days and how you handled them. This can be used in addition to writing, but shouldn't be used to replace what you can write. If you are struggling with self esteem when stable and have trouble believing things, you will struggle more when in a depressive state. Reminders will be hard to believe. Family and friends also may not be able to remember everything.

Revert to the mirror again. Talk to your image, and smile about it. Tell yourself you love yourself and why. Remind yourself of a positive while staring into your eyes. Talk about a goal and what you did to achieve it. Look at yourself and say, "I will do this. I can ride this wave. I have done it before and I will do it again."

Do not try to achieve a goal. Breathing, getting out of bed, showering, and getting through a day are the goals you need to focus on. Those are fantastic achievements each day of a depressive state. Celebrate those and let the other stuff slide for awhile.

To balanced and productive days my friends,

Laura

What Causes Bipolar

Over 10 million people are affected by bipolar. It manifests differently in each person regardless of race, ethnic group or socioeconomic class. Women tend to have rapid cycling bipolar more often than men and also suffer from more mixed episodes. A man's first state is usually hypomanic/manic while women normally experience a depressive state first.

Children who have one parent with the disorder have around a 10%-25% chance of developing the disorder themselves. Children with two parents that have the disorder have a 10%-50% chance. 

FACTORS

• Genetics - Studies clearly show bipolar runs in families. While it may skip generations, if you have bipolar in your family history, you are at risk. Research also shows that the chances of both identical twins having bipolar is small. So, if it was only hereditary factors that cause bipolar, both twins would suffer from it because they are identical.
• Biology - Some neurotransmitters that fire and receive the chemicals serotonin and dopamine do not function properly and only connect randomly. These neurons are responsible for firing and receiving seratonin and or dopamine, the two chemicals that are in control of your mood swings. A depressive state results from too few and a hypomanic/manic episode results from too many neuron interactions. Much research also now focuses on what abnormal genes play a factor in bipolar. Scientists believe that bipolar is more than likely caused by issues with multiple genes. And, research is currently being conducted to identify what medications work better for different individuals. This will lead to better management of the disease.
• Environment - Circumstances from childhood and as an adult also can trigger bipolar. Abuse, neglect, rigidity, trauma, anxiety disorders, PTSD, substance abuse, health problems and ADHD are all causes. Left untreated, environmental factors may cause suicide, relationship troubles, as well as legal and financial troubles, substance abuse as a way to self medicate, problems at school and work, absences at school and work, and isolation.

BOTTOM LINE

Bottom line is there is no singular cause for bipolar disorder. Instead, varying factors have a part in what is the whole cause of bipolar. As shown above, two of those factors are something we don't have a choice in. 

Although a stressful and traumatic event can trigger bipolar, stress in itself is not a cause. Still, with bipolar, it is ultimately important that you learn to manage stress (a future blog will focus on managing stress with bipolar). Managing stress can help us manage bipolar more effectively.

Bipolar is a complex disorder. Not only does it have varying causes, it also affects each sufferer differently. To exasperate it, no one medication works for all. However, understanding the possible causes and educating yourself will help you to understand and live with the disease.

To balanced and productive days my friends,

Laura

The Dreaded Bipolar Conversation With Work

40% of those of us with bipolar find themselves unable to hold down a job. For the rest, there is probably going to be at least one time when you feel like you may need to discuss the very personal topic of your mental illness with someone at work. So, when is the best time and how can you best handle the situation?

TIMING
There is no magical time to have this conversation. The success of the it rests largely with the type of personality you have to speak with. So, with that said, it is important for you to remember the results are a reflection of them, and who they are in that moment, not you.

HANDLING IT
You have responsibility in the conversation. Approach is everything. An open mind is helpful. The most important piece of advice I have to offer; do not wait until you are in a full blown depressive, and or a hypomanic/manic state. It will take training to learn how to act early on a potential serious mood swing. And the best way to do that is to get to know your triggers (a future blog will focus on identifying triggers). That takes patience. It also takes forgiveness of yourself if you don't succeed every time, and finally, it takes practice. I start talking to my support group before I get unstable. I know because I log my moods. They help. All of this is a big positive for keeping mood logs if you are thinking about trying.

• Pick a time you are most stable. If you feel unstable, the mood log can show a pattern if you log your mood often.
• Look for a pattern in your moods and choose the best time you can. 
• Pick a comfortable space for both of you. 
• Speak in a soft, yet firm voice. 
• Choose your words carefully. Use the words "we" and "us instead of "I" or "me". 
• Look for signs that the person isn't understanding, getting offended, or irritated. Folded arms in front is a sign off them closing off. 
• Do not let the person sit while you stand. It may make the person more defensive because your standing can appear dominating. Both of you should be comfortable and sitting sown. 

If you aren't well received, it may be time to think about moving on. You were looking for a job when you found this one. Remember!!! You are in charge! You know more than they do about bipolar and consider this an opportunity to educate them. I just went through this and want to share what I said. I have this memorized.

"I have bipolar. While it can't be cured, I can manage it with effective medication, diet, exercise, sleep and therapy. Bipolar is a illness, a brain disease.  I did nothing to get this disease. Neurons and receptors started firing and receiving at less 100% for no proven reason. That causes an imbalance of the chemicals that control mood swings that I have no choice but to endure. I don't expect different treatment and I am responsible for coming to you when I feel my mood changing so we can come up with a game plan that won't have work suffering unnecessarily. I want to reach out to me if you have concerns or questions."

Unfortunately it wasn't well received. If that happens, you will have to decide if the job is salvageable or not.

To balanced and productive days my friends,

Laura

Friendship and Relationship Gut Checks

They take never ending hard work. Add your bipolar diagnosis to that and things are immediately made harder for you. You will face, time and time again, the test of living through mood states. They create more than the expected complications in your friendships and relationships.

The most important friendship and relationship to care for is the one you have with yourself. Treat yourself with compassion and kindness by how you love yourself. You are usually your own worst enemy and abuser, worse than anyone else (a future blog will focus on how to go from being your worst enemy to your best ally).

DISSOLVING A FRIENDSHIP
The more you have an emotional connection to a person you are acquainted with, the more they move from being an acquaintance to being a friend. Dissolving an acquaintance is easy. Tell them you don't want to be friends anymore and wish them well. Of course, you could do as I may or may not have done. Ignore that acquaintance...

As for a friend, we will assume they at least know your diagnosis. So ask yourself honestly how well they support you. No relationship is perfect. But if you find yourself with a friend that is negative about you in any way, it's time to have a conversation where you say that your priorities have changed and you won't be able to continue the friendship. It is a true statement. You just made your mental health a priority. That should always be your priority. There is no need to explain unless pushed. Revealing less emotion is better. Be prepared. The reaction may not be what you expect. Some do not realize they are negative persons that want you you to as miserable as they are. Refuse to be baited by their negativity to justify your actions. Be ready to stand your ground and back away from the conversation for your own mental health, if needed. And, keep in mind that you are doing this for yourself and how they react does not have a reflection on you.

DISSOLVING A RELATIONSHIP
This involves much more emotion and therefore, is more complicated to go through. The more history you have, the more complicated it will be. The hardest to end is a toxic relationship. Synonyms of the word toxic include deadly, dangerous, and poisonous. If I gave you candy, would you eat it when I told you it was poisonous? Of course not! But by allowing yourself to mentally digest toxic behaviors, you are eating that candy (a future blog will focus on how to leave a toxic relationship).

You have allowed a negative person a place in your life. And you deserve to be free of negativity. As a matter of fact, your wellness depends, in part, on how much negativity you allow in your life.

When you end the relationship, you need to be prepared for the fact that the reaction is probably going to be negative. Use your tools. You have to be assertive, calm, and remember their reaction is a reflection of them and not of you. You are cleansing for the number one person in your life. You. If the relationship is long standing, you may lose other people also. This may include people like in-laws and friends. However, those that do not support you or your decision are not positive and supportive like you need in your life. Ignore the urge to try to explain yourself to anyone! This is your life. You are in charge of your happiness. Having bipolar, you need all the positive you can fit into your life.

To balanced and productive days my friends,

Laura

How Distorted Thinking Affects Bipolar - Part Two

Improving and managing distorted thinking can be a difficult task. However, with time and practice, you can train your brain to thinking differently. Think of it like this. Practice makes better! Never will we be perfect. Perfection is impossible (believe me, I have tried). But, each time you practice the steps below, you will improve your thought process.

The time that will take is going to depend on each person and how deeply ingrained distorted thinking is. For me, I catch myself in distorted thinking often. However, I have become much better at correcting myself over time.

WHY
Why do we engage in distorted thinking and torture ourselves? How can we tell when distorted thinking has us in it's grip? An easy answer is our state. It is also related to our self esteem(a future blog will focus on improving self esteem).

Studies have shown that persons living with mental illness have lower self esteem. Depressive and manic/hypomanic episodes cause us to behave and act in ways that embarrass us. Sometimes we are left with the task of apologizing and/or repairing relationships. Living with mental illness and the stigma surrounding us is exhausting and erodes our self esteem as we try to fit into society and don't always succeed. It is through no fault of our own. We didn't ask for mental illness. Thinking that can easily lead to shame, further lowering our self esteem. There are times when we simply can't manage bipolar. It manages us. It is frustrating. So, how can we improve our distorted thinking?

WRITE IT DOWN
Take some quiet time along with paper and pen or pencil and think. Use the categories from "part one" of the blog. When have you engaged in distorted thinking? Make a list and write the examples down for each time you remember a distorted thought. If the categories seem confusing, reach out to me for help. I would be honored to answer your questions through the comments section below, or via email. My email address is available on my profile page. Don't judge yourself during this process. Just take a honest look at yourself and allow yourself to document the examples. This will give you examples of what thoughts you want to retrain in the future.

AWARENESS
You are no ready to begin retraining your thoughts. This may be the most difficult thing you do. As time progresses, you will become better and better. Try to catch yourself when you engage in distorted thinking. You may catch yourself immediately or you may realize the thought was distorted later. When you realize it is not important. Count it as the victory that it is. The more deeply ingrained the distorted thought is, the harder it will be to catch and improve upon. After all, thinking something turns into believing, which then turns into reality. The more familiar you are with the categories, the more you understand them, and this will aid you in your awareness.

When you become aware, approach it with mindfulness. If you have never heard the term before, it means acceptance. We pay attention to our thoughts and feelings without judging them; without believing, for instance, that there's a “right” or “wrong” way to think or feel in a given moment and judging yourself based on that. Yes, your thinking isn't correct. But, you will see this repeated below, "You are human", so you are not perfect and will make mistakes. Focusing on the wrong will only lead to shaming yourself. Focus on the retraining instead. Focus on catching it sooner next time and moving forward in peace.

PROOF
You once again want to use mindfulness for this step. Do not judge yourself. If you do, you are not going to be able to see the proof in the fallacy of your thought. For this step, you will once again want to take to paper. Write down the category from "part one". Then, write down the distorted thought. Finally, write a statement to prove the thought incorrect. Keep doing this and it will lead to you correcting your distorted thought quickler. Below, you will find examples of how you can prove to yourself that your distorted thinking incorrect.

EXAMPLES
Mind Reading

• We see two people whispering and immediately we think they are talking about us. (PROOF: They could be talking about anything. Even if they are talking about you, it doesn't necessarily mean it is negative, and if it is, it is a reflection of them and not you.)
• We don't get a response on a text message and assume we are being ignored or someone is mad at us. (PROOF: Their phone may be off or the battery may be dead. They could be away from their phone. They may be busy and can't reply immediately.)
• We may think anyone of the gender we prefer is attracted to us just because they say hello. (PROOF: A simple hello is a societal commonality. It is used to be polite.)

Fortune Telling

• We have a presentation to give and assume we are going to perform poorly, or fail. (PROOF: Everyone is imperfect. You are human. The presentation is not going to be perfect. Other people aren't perfect and aren't going to expect us to be perfect either.  As long as we are prepared, all we can do is to do our best.)
• We meet someone new and assume they will not like us. (PROOF: We can't be liked by everyone, and if not liked, it is a reflection of that person and where they are at that moment in their life, not a reflection of us.)
• We have an idea we plan to turn into a project and assume everyone else is going to see how wonderful it is and want to buy into it. (PROOF: This is unrealistic. Everyone has their own opinion and it may not necessarily agree with ours.)

Minimization

• We may have a good day, but one mistake would make us feel as if the day was unproductive or unsuccessful. (PROOF: Examine the day and find just one thing that you succeeded at. One victory means a productive and successful day. Nobody is perfect and is going to make mistakes. You are human.)
• Someone compliments how we look and our reply is that our outfit is old. (PROOF: Take the person at face value. They aren't going to compliment you unless they feel so. Your outfit may be old, but you still got a compliment on how you looked. Take it for what it is. If is seems insincere, that is their issue, not yours.)
• We complete a project to specifications but don't feel it is good enough no matter what. (PROOF: Again, nobody is perfect. You are human. There is most likely something you could have done better, just like every other human being that has completed a project.)

Catastrophizing

• A boss criticizes us, constructively or otherwise, and we fear we are going to get fired. (PROOF: Ok, if you are on final notice, maybe you are right to worry. But, realize companies have a process before firing someone.)
• We fail one test and fear we are going to fail the entire class, or worse yet, school in general. (PROOF: How many tests and homework assignments have you passed? What is your game plan for moving forward and doing better?)
• We argue with our partner and fear they are going to leave us. (PROOF: Arguments happen. You are two different people handling things your own way. Learn when to voice your concerns by asking if you can resolve it with your partner. Chances are, it is worse in your head than theirs.)

All Or Nothing

• We lose a job and think we are a failure that will never be successful, will always be a poor provider, and a worthless person. (PROOF:@ You were looking for a job when you found this one. This economy is still tough, so keep this in mind as you begin your job search. You are not failing if you are looking.)
• We feel we are always right, never wrong, and will argue every point that doesn't fall in line with our own. (PROOF: Everyone is imperfect. You are human. This is impossible.)

Personalization

• We see our child struggle and feel like it is our fault. (PROOF: Your child needs struggle to grow. And, the older they get, the more choices they make for themselves. It is unrealistic that you are at fault, and if you can't shake it, concentrate on making it better and doing a better job of parenting next time. You are human.)
• We get into an argument with a friend and feel like we are to blame for the argument and the friend has no blame. (PROOF: Every argument has two sides, both driven by human emotion. Both not always verbalized well. If you have a friend that assigns you the blame, you need to rethink that relationship.)
• A child may assume their parents are arguing just because of them. (PROOF: You are the giver on this one. Consider the age and explain that people disagree to the best of your ability. Reassure often. Consider your audience when fighting and move somewhere private.)

Emotional Reasoning

• We say something to embarrass ourselves and think we must be an idiot. (PROOF: Mistakes happen. You are human. You aren't the first to make one. You, and you alone are thinking about your mistake more than others.)
• We have acne and feel we are ugly. (PROOF: Welcome to life. I am 52 and still get acne. People won't noticed acne as much as you do. And a confident smile goes a long way.)
• We think our outfit makes us look fat and therefore we are fat. (PROOF: Please love your body. It houses your beautiful soul. Remember our society preaches thin. Years ago, you were coveted and captured regularly by famous artists.)

Labeling

• I am a loser. (PROOF: Have you held a job for any length of time? Did you graduate? Do you know how to drive a car? You can't be a loser then.)
• I am worthless. (PROOF: You are born with worth. You do not inherit it. You do not achieve it. It is simply there in our care anf keeping (a future blog will address the topic of self worth).
• I am useless. (PROOF: Not likely. Have you ever taken out the trash? Have you ever offered a kind word to someone sad and made them smile? Have you ever kissed a child's knee? You are not useless.)

Would, Could And Should

• I should have tried harder. (PROOF: Next time, I will try harder.)
• I could have not said that. (PROOF: Next time, I will choose different words.)
• I would have been happier if... (PROOF: Stop! That doesn't matter. The world is your oyster. Focus on now.)

To balanced and productive days my friends,

Laura

How I Caught My Depressive State

I am hopefully on the upside of a depressive state and thought I would share with you what has happened. About 2 months ago, I saw my psychiatrist as scheduled. I had been stable for 6 months, maybe more. She brought up the subject of my Latuda.

It seems Latuda can cause problems with your liver and kidneys. My pyschiatrist does blood work every 6 months to check. Mine has always come back normal, until this time. My kidneys showed some strain. So she recommended I lower the dosage. I started back on cymbalta 6 minths ago and lost over 20 lbs. My weight was low enough that she thought my kidney function would return to normal if I lowered the dose and she felt I wouldn't have any trouble with my moods.

I thought all was going pretty smoothly until about three weeks down the road. Then I began to notice I was starting to worry over nothing. I felt guilty and had self doubt about things I would normally handle. A couple days is all it took to begin to spiral. I started wanting to die. Everything irritated me. I just wanted to sleep. I didn't want to eat. Anxiety, that I hadn't experienced in a year, returned. I wanted out of my skin. I stopped caring for my home. My work was effected.

It didn't take long to spiral once it started. A week at most.  I called my psychiatrist the third day I felt like I wanted to die. She put me right back on the previous dosage of Latuda.

That was 4 weeks ago. It hasn't been fun. I felt some immediate benefits within three days.  I still had to ride the wave of a depressive state of though. I'm not through it yet. My anxiety keeps me in knots and nauseous. I have lost more weight. I still feel irritated by everything. But, I learned something.

I learned how it started. I was diagnosed in 2007 and have been in therapy most of the time since. Yet, I have never caught a depressive state as it was happening. My last depressive state lasted over a year and ended with a hospital stay.

So, although it hasn't been easy, I have a lot to be proud for. Hopefully, I can be more proactive in the future with mood swings.

THE POINT
Consider a mood log. I realized I had been subconsciously monitoring my mood in my mind. A mood log can be effective. How you use it is just as important though. There are several apps available for both iPhone and Android. However, I find them lacking in detail. I can't manage my mood by clicking on scores or options like "happy" or "sad". I figured out my depressive state with more vocabulary. I plan to log my moods in my journal from now on.

Depressed is a general feeling. It can mean a lot. I have copies from two outpatient programs, but a Feelings List is very useful. It gives you several categories of feelings. Use those to write down how you feel each day. Track it. Hopefully you can become more proactive too. For an example of a Feelings List, please click here.

To balanced and productive days my friends,

Laura