Low self esteem is an issue when you have bipolar. That is not to say that only those suffering with bipolar have low self esteem. Everyone deals with self esteem. Role models play an important role in developing healthy self esteem, as well as factors such as environment, etc. And, as with so much else, bipolar has the capacity to make it all the more difficult to deal with because our brains process differently. Today, we are going to talk about improving self esteem during a stable state and tips for living through a depressive state. Low self esteem just isn't an issue when manic/hypomanic.
CAUSES
- Childhood history
- Abuse
- Neglect
- Bullying
- Loneliness
- School or work
- Allowing negativity in your life
SYMPTOMS
- Highly self critical
- Focusing on your mistakes
- Negative self talk
- Self hate
- Comparing your weaknesses to other's strengths
- Refusing to acknowledge your strengths
- Never accepting compliments
- Lack of confidence
- Perfectionism
IMPROVING SELF ESTEEM DURING A BALANCED STATE
The following information was gathered from a host of internet sources and my time during inpatient and outpatients stays. Improving your self esteem while you are balanced will not be only easier, it will help lessen how it dips lower during a depressive state. You must remember that thoughts lead to feelings, and that leads to opinion, which leads to your perceived reality. You will have to accept your reality is irrational and imbalanced to improve your self esteem and be willing to work on it by taking action that will probably be uncomfortable.
Highly Self Critical
Do you take every situation and judge yourself? And I mean every situation. Even those that had no mishaps. While looking at your life with a critical eye can be healthy for growth, taking every situation and finding something wrong with it will drain your self esteem and lead to a life of constant regrets. You are going to have to stop judging yourself. This not easy. It involves realizing and accepting you are not perfect. You need to begin looking at the positives in situations. Repeat them to yourself. Tell yourself, "It's okay because I...". And, if you made a mistake, I can't repeat enough that you have to accept no one is perfect.
Being highly self critical will paralyze you. You will being so focused on your criticism that you won't be able to move forward. Moving forward promotes your positive growth. Learn to recognize when you are ruminating and feel stuck in a rut. Instead of spending all that time criticizing yourself, force yourself to come up with one positive for the situation and congratulate yourself for it. Then, move on.
Focusing On Your Mistakes
Do you spend inordinate amounts of time thinking about a mistake? This is a clear indication of low self esteem. Mistakes happen. Think it over, figure out what you can learn from the mistake, take steps if necessary to prepare for next time and move forward. And just to be clear, if this isn't what you are already doing, you are spending inordinate amounts of time thinking about a mistake.
Negative Self Talk
This is closely related to being highly self critical, but more involved. It relates directly to your self worth (a future blog will focus on healthy self worth). There is nothing wrong with looking at a situation and thinking you may want to handle it differently next time (you may not shame yourself by saying the words should, could, or would though). With low self esteem, we begin to talk to ourselves in a manner that we would never talk to a loved one. Imagine looking at everything your child does or says and telling them they are a failure and will never amount to anything. This is what you do when you put yourself down and talk negatively to yourself. It isn't realistic nor is it true.
Negative self talk is invasive and like a tape playing over and over in your head. You may not even recognize it as it happens. You can combat this with positive affirmations. Use a journal, sticky notes, letters to yourself...anything, to document positives about yourself. If you have troubles thinking of positives, ask trusted friends for help. They see the good in you and shouldn't hesitate to tell you.
Practice positive self talk. Work on catching your negative self talk and replace it with a positive. This is difficult to do so write about it and use your trusted family and friends. It gets easier the more you do it. Try standing in front of a mirror and tell yourself something positive. Smile.
Negative self talk is invasive and like a tape playing over and over in your head. You may not even recognize it as it happens. You can combat this with positive affirmations. Use a journal, sticky notes, letters to yourself...anything, to document positives about yourself. If you have troubles thinking of positives, ask trusted friends for help. They see the good in you and shouldn't hesitate to tell you.
Practice positive self talk. Work on catching your negative self talk and replace it with a positive. This is difficult to do so write about it and use your trusted family and friends. It gets easier the more you do it. Try standing in front of a mirror and tell yourself something positive. Smile.
Self Hate
Many things lead to self hate and it is a huge culprit in destroying self esteem. Self hate is like a rabbit hole. Play those negative tapes in your head long enough and down into the self hate hole you will fall. Overcoming self hate takes acceptance. Accept you are human. You are not perfect. Accept your faults. You may have the most faults of anyone on this planet, but you still have positives. Focus on those. Make plans to improve your faults. Celebrate improvements, no matter how little. Look in the mirror and tell yourself, "I love you because..." every single time you are in front of a mirror.
Many things lead to self hate and it is a huge culprit in destroying self esteem. Self hate is like a rabbit hole. Play those negative tapes in your head long enough and down into the self hate hole you will fall. Overcoming self hate takes acceptance. Accept you are human. You are not perfect. Accept your faults. You may have the most faults of anyone on this planet, but you still have positives. Focus on those. Make plans to improve your faults. Celebrate improvements, no matter how little. Look in the mirror and tell yourself, "I love you because..." every single time you are in front of a mirror.
Comparing Your Weaknesses To Other's Strengths
There is no one in the world like you. You are a unique individual made up of things well done and things not so well done. You have certain talents that are better than others. The lower your self esteem is, the harder it is to recognize this.
Instead of beating yourself up where you think you should be better, consider how another person's talent can benefit you. I have a teenage son that will major in music education next year. It was something I considered also when I was his age. He can talk circles around me and when it first happened, I immediately felt like I must have made the right decision to pursue another degree (I felt inferior) and even beat myself up about it. Now I realize how much he can teach me and I enjoy our time together. It has made us much closer and, I have learned a lot.
There is no one in the world like you. You are a unique individual made up of things well done and things not so well done. You have certain talents that are better than others. The lower your self esteem is, the harder it is to recognize this.
Instead of beating yourself up where you think you should be better, consider how another person's talent can benefit you. I have a teenage son that will major in music education next year. It was something I considered also when I was his age. He can talk circles around me and when it first happened, I immediately felt like I must have made the right decision to pursue another degree (I felt inferior) and even beat myself up about it. Now I realize how much he can teach me and I enjoy our time together. It has made us much closer and, I have learned a lot.
Refusing To Acknowledge Your Strengths
A person with low self esteem will not only compare themselves to others, but also have a difficult time appreciating and acknowledging their strengths. The focus will always be their weaknesses. Use positive affirmations with an explanation. An example is, "I am strong because...". Place sticky notes strategically through your life. Ask close friends.
A person with low self esteem will not only compare themselves to others, but also have a difficult time appreciating and acknowledging their strengths. The focus will always be their weaknesses. Use positive affirmations with an explanation. An example is, "I am strong because...". Place sticky notes strategically through your life. Ask close friends.
Never Accepting Compliments
Do you ever find yourself hearing a compliment and verbally dismissing it? This is a sign of low self esteem. Make it your goal to simply reply, "Thank you" each time. You can't say anything else but thank you. Eventually you will have created a habit that results in healthier self esteem.
Do you ever find yourself hearing a compliment and verbally dismissing it? This is a sign of low self esteem. Make it your goal to simply reply, "Thank you" each time. You can't say anything else but thank you. Eventually you will have created a habit that results in healthier self esteem.
Lack Of Confidence
Chances are if you are suffering from low self esteem, you will not have much confidence in yourself. A person with low self esteem expects the worst and is paralyzed to try due to the fear of mistakes and failure. You can improve your self confidence little steps at a time which in turn improves self esteem.
Stand straight, throw your shoulders back and smile. If you look the part, it will help you to be the part. People will see you as confident, treating you as such. It leads to better self confidence. Someone t work asked me how she could get employees to respond to her. She noticed immediate results from the above and felt really good about it.
Pick a small goal. Don't try anything life changing, like stopping smoking. Choose something you can manage like taking vitamins with your meds regimen. You'll feel better when it becomes habit and it will give you confidence in the success.
Access your limitations. A good way to do this is to write. Are your limitations real, or are they something you place on yourself? If you aren't certain, write about it and include a plan to change a bit at a time. If you truly have a limitation, and we all do, work on it one step at a time to lessen the limitation. You don't have to be an expert at everything, but improving yourself is a definite confidence booster and will improve your self esteem.
Chances are if you are suffering from low self esteem, you will not have much confidence in yourself. A person with low self esteem expects the worst and is paralyzed to try due to the fear of mistakes and failure. You can improve your self confidence little steps at a time which in turn improves self esteem.
Stand straight, throw your shoulders back and smile. If you look the part, it will help you to be the part. People will see you as confident, treating you as such. It leads to better self confidence. Someone t work asked me how she could get employees to respond to her. She noticed immediate results from the above and felt really good about it.
Pick a small goal. Don't try anything life changing, like stopping smoking. Choose something you can manage like taking vitamins with your meds regimen. You'll feel better when it becomes habit and it will give you confidence in the success.
Access your limitations. A good way to do this is to write. Are your limitations real, or are they something you place on yourself? If you aren't certain, write about it and include a plan to change a bit at a time. If you truly have a limitation, and we all do, work on it one step at a time to lessen the limitation. You don't have to be an expert at everything, but improving yourself is a definite confidence booster and will improve your self esteem.
Perfectionism
This is a topic I could go on about forever because I have perfected trying to be perfect. I have an example to give that I hope will help. I have a mentor in the business world. He always tells me, "Be your best." My thought process on this statement in the past has been that I have to be the best in everything. It was only recently that the light bulb came on. Being my best really means I should continue utilizing my talents where possible and accept my mistakes by growing from them.
Perfectionism is a fallacy. Trying to be perfect will never result in healthy self esteem. It will be like hitting a brick wall. You will never win. So, when you aren't perfect, try thinking of how you can grow from it. Your self esteem will grow from not beating yourself up and from the growth you experience.
SELF ESTEEM DURING A DEPRESSIVE EPISODE
You are not going to be able to stop your self esteem from dipping lower while in the midst of a depressive episode. You can, however, work towards maintaining it to the best of your ability with little effort (I promise) and the dip won't be as drastic. The key is your actions during a stable state. I like to take to pen or pencil and paper. If you write, you can refer back to it during depressive episodes. Document your strengths, your goals achieved, your victories. Create a jar and write positives about yourself on sticky notes to review later. While living through a depressive state, review the good things about yourself.
Talk to trusted family and friends. Let them help you remember better days and how you handled them. This can be used in addition to writing, but shouldn't be used to replace what you can write. If you are struggling with self esteem when stable and have trouble believing things, you will struggle more when in a depressive state. Reminders will be hard to believe. Family and friends also may not be able to remember everything.
Revert to the mirror again. Talk to your image, and smile about it. Tell yourself you love yourself and why. Remind yourself of a positive while staring into your eyes. Talk about a goal and what you did to achieve it. Look at yourself and say, "I will do this. I can ride this wave. I have done it before and I will do it again."
Do not try to achieve a goal. Breathing, getting out of bed, showering, and getting through a day are the goals you need to focus on. Those are fantastic achievements each day of a depressive state. Celebrate those and let the other stuff slide for awhile.
To balanced and productive days my friends,
Laura
This is a topic I could go on about forever because I have perfected trying to be perfect. I have an example to give that I hope will help. I have a mentor in the business world. He always tells me, "Be your best." My thought process on this statement in the past has been that I have to be the best in everything. It was only recently that the light bulb came on. Being my best really means I should continue utilizing my talents where possible and accept my mistakes by growing from them.
Perfectionism is a fallacy. Trying to be perfect will never result in healthy self esteem. It will be like hitting a brick wall. You will never win. So, when you aren't perfect, try thinking of how you can grow from it. Your self esteem will grow from not beating yourself up and from the growth you experience.
SELF ESTEEM DURING A DEPRESSIVE EPISODE
You are not going to be able to stop your self esteem from dipping lower while in the midst of a depressive episode. You can, however, work towards maintaining it to the best of your ability with little effort (I promise) and the dip won't be as drastic. The key is your actions during a stable state. I like to take to pen or pencil and paper. If you write, you can refer back to it during depressive episodes. Document your strengths, your goals achieved, your victories. Create a jar and write positives about yourself on sticky notes to review later. While living through a depressive state, review the good things about yourself.
Talk to trusted family and friends. Let them help you remember better days and how you handled them. This can be used in addition to writing, but shouldn't be used to replace what you can write. If you are struggling with self esteem when stable and have trouble believing things, you will struggle more when in a depressive state. Reminders will be hard to believe. Family and friends also may not be able to remember everything.
Revert to the mirror again. Talk to your image, and smile about it. Tell yourself you love yourself and why. Remind yourself of a positive while staring into your eyes. Talk about a goal and what you did to achieve it. Look at yourself and say, "I will do this. I can ride this wave. I have done it before and I will do it again."
Do not try to achieve a goal. Breathing, getting out of bed, showering, and getting through a day are the goals you need to focus on. Those are fantastic achievements each day of a depressive state. Celebrate those and let the other stuff slide for awhile.
To balanced and productive days my friends,
Laura
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