How Distorted Thinking Affects Bipolar - Part Two

Improving and managing distorted thinking can be a difficult task. However, with time and practice, you can train your brain to thinking differently. Think of it like this. Practice makes better! Never will we be perfect. Perfection is impossible (believe me, I have tried). But, each time you practice the steps below, you will improve your thought process.

The time that will take is going to depend on each person and how deeply ingrained distorted thinking is. For me, I catch myself in distorted thinking often. However, I have become much better at correcting myself over time.

WHY
Why do we engage in distorted thinking and torture ourselves? How can we tell when distorted thinking has us in it's grip? An easy answer is our state. It is also related to our self esteem(a future blog will focus on improving self esteem).

Studies have shown that persons living with mental illness have lower self esteem. Depressive and manic/hypomanic episodes cause us to behave and act in ways that embarrass us. Sometimes we are left with the task of apologizing and/or repairing relationships. Living with mental illness and the stigma surrounding us is exhausting and erodes our self esteem as we try to fit into society and don't always succeed. It is through no fault of our own. We didn't ask for mental illness. Thinking that can easily lead to shame, further lowering our self esteem. There are times when we simply can't manage bipolar. It manages us. It is frustrating. So, how can we improve our distorted thinking?

WRITE IT DOWN
Take some quiet time along with paper and pen or pencil and think. Use the categories from "part one" of the blog. When have you engaged in distorted thinking? Make a list and write the examples down for each time you remember a distorted thought. If the categories seem confusing, reach out to me for help. I would be honored to answer your questions through the comments section below, or via email. My email address is available on my profile page. Don't judge yourself during this process. Just take a honest look at yourself and allow yourself to document the examples. This will give you examples of what thoughts you want to retrain in the future.

AWARENESS
You are no ready to begin retraining your thoughts. This may be the most difficult thing you do. As time progresses, you will become better and better. Try to catch yourself when you engage in distorted thinking. You may catch yourself immediately or you may realize the thought was distorted later. When you realize it is not important. Count it as the victory that it is. The more deeply ingrained the distorted thought is, the harder it will be to catch and improve upon. After all, thinking something turns into believing, which then turns into reality. The more familiar you are with the categories, the more you understand them, and this will aid you in your awareness.

When you become aware, approach it with mindfulness. If you have never heard the term before, it means acceptance. We pay attention to our thoughts and feelings without judging them; without believing, for instance, that there's a “right” or “wrong” way to think or feel in a given moment and judging yourself based on that. Yes, your thinking isn't correct. But, you will see this repeated below, "You are human", so you are not perfect and will make mistakes. Focusing on the wrong will only lead to shaming yourself. Focus on the retraining instead. Focus on catching it sooner next time and moving forward in peace.

PROOF
You once again want to use mindfulness for this step. Do not judge yourself. If you do, you are not going to be able to see the proof in the fallacy of your thought. For this step, you will once again want to take to paper. Write down the category from "part one". Then, write down the distorted thought. Finally, write a statement to prove the thought incorrect. Keep doing this and it will lead to you correcting your distorted thought quickler. Below, you will find examples of how you can prove to yourself that your distorted thinking incorrect.

EXAMPLES
Mind Reading

• We see two people whispering and immediately we think they are talking about us. (PROOF: They could be talking about anything. Even if they are talking about you, it doesn't necessarily mean it is negative, and if it is, it is a reflection of them and not you.)
• We don't get a response on a text message and assume we are being ignored or someone is mad at us. (PROOF: Their phone may be off or the battery may be dead. They could be away from their phone. They may be busy and can't reply immediately.)
• We may think anyone of the gender we prefer is attracted to us just because they say hello. (PROOF: A simple hello is a societal commonality. It is used to be polite.)

Fortune Telling

• We have a presentation to give and assume we are going to perform poorly, or fail. (PROOF: Everyone is imperfect. You are human. The presentation is not going to be perfect. Other people aren't perfect and aren't going to expect us to be perfect either.  As long as we are prepared, all we can do is to do our best.)
• We meet someone new and assume they will not like us. (PROOF: We can't be liked by everyone, and if not liked, it is a reflection of that person and where they are at that moment in their life, not a reflection of us.)
• We have an idea we plan to turn into a project and assume everyone else is going to see how wonderful it is and want to buy into it. (PROOF: This is unrealistic. Everyone has their own opinion and it may not necessarily agree with ours.)

Minimization

• We may have a good day, but one mistake would make us feel as if the day was unproductive or unsuccessful. (PROOF: Examine the day and find just one thing that you succeeded at. One victory means a productive and successful day. Nobody is perfect and is going to make mistakes. You are human.)
• Someone compliments how we look and our reply is that our outfit is old. (PROOF: Take the person at face value. They aren't going to compliment you unless they feel so. Your outfit may be old, but you still got a compliment on how you looked. Take it for what it is. If is seems insincere, that is their issue, not yours.)
• We complete a project to specifications but don't feel it is good enough no matter what. (PROOF: Again, nobody is perfect. You are human. There is most likely something you could have done better, just like every other human being that has completed a project.)

Catastrophizing

• A boss criticizes us, constructively or otherwise, and we fear we are going to get fired. (PROOF: Ok, if you are on final notice, maybe you are right to worry. But, realize companies have a process before firing someone.)
• We fail one test and fear we are going to fail the entire class, or worse yet, school in general. (PROOF: How many tests and homework assignments have you passed? What is your game plan for moving forward and doing better?)
• We argue with our partner and fear they are going to leave us. (PROOF: Arguments happen. You are two different people handling things your own way. Learn when to voice your concerns by asking if you can resolve it with your partner. Chances are, it is worse in your head than theirs.)

All Or Nothing

• We lose a job and think we are a failure that will never be successful, will always be a poor provider, and a worthless person. (PROOF:@ You were looking for a job when you found this one. This economy is still tough, so keep this in mind as you begin your job search. You are not failing if you are looking.)
• We feel we are always right, never wrong, and will argue every point that doesn't fall in line with our own. (PROOF: Everyone is imperfect. You are human. This is impossible.)

Personalization

• We see our child struggle and feel like it is our fault. (PROOF: Your child needs struggle to grow. And, the older they get, the more choices they make for themselves. It is unrealistic that you are at fault, and if you can't shake it, concentrate on making it better and doing a better job of parenting next time. You are human.)
• We get into an argument with a friend and feel like we are to blame for the argument and the friend has no blame. (PROOF: Every argument has two sides, both driven by human emotion. Both not always verbalized well. If you have a friend that assigns you the blame, you need to rethink that relationship.)
• A child may assume their parents are arguing just because of them. (PROOF: You are the giver on this one. Consider the age and explain that people disagree to the best of your ability. Reassure often. Consider your audience when fighting and move somewhere private.)

Emotional Reasoning

• We say something to embarrass ourselves and think we must be an idiot. (PROOF: Mistakes happen. You are human. You aren't the first to make one. You, and you alone are thinking about your mistake more than others.)
• We have acne and feel we are ugly. (PROOF: Welcome to life. I am 52 and still get acne. People won't noticed acne as much as you do. And a confident smile goes a long way.)
• We think our outfit makes us look fat and therefore we are fat. (PROOF: Please love your body. It houses your beautiful soul. Remember our society preaches thin. Years ago, you were coveted and captured regularly by famous artists.)

Labeling

• I am a loser. (PROOF: Have you held a job for any length of time? Did you graduate? Do you know how to drive a car? You can't be a loser then.)
• I am worthless. (PROOF: You are born with worth. You do not inherit it. You do not achieve it. It is simply there in our care anf keeping (a future blog will address the topic of self worth).
• I am useless. (PROOF: Not likely. Have you ever taken out the trash? Have you ever offered a kind word to someone sad and made them smile? Have you ever kissed a child's knee? You are not useless.)

Would, Could And Should

• I should have tried harder. (PROOF: Next time, I will try harder.)
• I could have not said that. (PROOF: Next time, I will choose different words.)
• I would have been happier if... (PROOF: Stop! That doesn't matter. The world is your oyster. Focus on now.)

To balanced and productive days my friends,

Laura